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| 12/23/2012 |
I would spend the next 10 days hanging out with my dad, staying as busy as possible, getting sick and trying to recover, researching a lot about lung cancer, and finding comfort in the promises found in God's word.
December 17th, 3:00pm-- Our first appointment with the cancer doctor to find out the staging, treatment, and prognosis.
The whole family was gathered in the doctors office.... waiting.
Waiting for the news.
Just how bad is it?
The doctor came in asking lots of questions and did a physical examination of Dad. He finally began talking about the lung cancer...
I was holding my breath.
I didn't really understand the results he was reading from the PET scan until he finally said it...
Stage 4.
I knew what that meant. I had been reading about it for the last 10 days. My heart sank and my eyes began to search the room... I looked at dad... tears began to stream from my eyes and roll down my cheeks. Those two words were the words I had been dreading the last 10 days, and the words I had been dreading my entire life.
So... Dad has Stage 4 Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer (Squamous Cell Carcinoma). The left lung is completely covered, and it has spread into the right lung, the abdomen cavity, and the abdomen. We are currently waiting on brain mri and bone scan results to tell us the extent of it in the brain and bones. We are waiting on tests to see the kindney/liver function. Chemo has been ordered but we are just waiting until these test results to decide on whether or not Dad can take it. We will be making that decision a few days after Christmas.
Our treatment options are very limited due to Dad's current functioning status. He is at a 100% resting functioning status. He is having major difficulty breathing. He has also been having rapid weight loss and is struggling to keep food down. Every case is different and Dad's is unique and complex, especially because he also has Histoplasmosis.
But Dad isn't letting it keep him down! He has been coming to church with us at Eastview which really blesses all of us, and yesterday we were able to have family pictures taken with our entire family! Prints have already been ordered! It was hard to smile through the emotions that came with the pictures, knowing that these would be some of our last pictures with Dad...
I love my Dad and I am so proud of him. I can't believe the strength he is showing despite the overwhelming physical weakness. My Dad was made in the image of God (we all were). He is so gentle. And giving and kind. And strong. He is a very simple man. I just love my dad.
The last 7 months have been such a gift. Such a blessing. When Dad's lung collapsed on April 3rd, it was a miracle he lived. Drew (my brother) and I were talking about how it is such a gift to know that we only have limited time with Dad so we can make the most of it, and truly cherish and embrace him and each other and make precious memories with Dad during his last days here on earth.
"For we will surely die and are like water spilled on the ground which cannot be gathered up again. Yet God does not take away life, but plans ways so that the banished one will not be cast out from him." -- 2 Samuel 14:14
It's very difficult to accept the reality of his condition. Dad said he was okay with dying, we all die, but he just wasn't ready to die yet. We have been working on making a bucket list. Unfortuantely if Dad gets a tattoo he will get kicked out of his house! :) I said, "Dad you can have it your way for the rest of your life!" He responded by saying he didn't want anything, that he has everything he needs. We did get him a new TV and smart phone, which he is enjoying. :-)
Despite our hope in heaven, we are still in a lot of pain and suffering. My sister Rachelle noticed Dad's work boots sitting on the floor and mentioned how he would never wear them again. Dad still has people calling him wanting him to build them a house. My sister Rachelle has been saving up for Dad to build her a house. Dad really wants to fix Erin's broken garage. We told Dad we needed to have a retirement party! What girl doesn't want her Dad to walk her down the isle? I know it is really hard for my brother and his wife who just had their first baby, who won't get to enjoy her grandpa. It's very difficult for us.
Be still, my soul; there is a healer. Here is where the bad news is bad but the good news is better. This is where I find comfort...
God NEVER intended for us to die. He created us to live forever, in perfect harmony. Unfortunately sin ruined His perfect plan. And now we have pain, suffering, disease, and death. So it's no suprise how painful this is, even with our eternal hope. Cancer sucks.
I'm definitely grieving.... but not like the rest of the world, with no hope. I'm grieving in confidence. The best day I have ever had with my Dad, was on Easter when we were in the hospital after Dad's lung collapsed, and we took communion together. Dad's physical health may be failing, but I believe he is being healed. So often we miss the miracles because they aren't a cure for cancer, but God is moving mightily on our behalf, that's for sure.
Genesis 50:20 says "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good, to accomplish what is now being done; the saving of many lives."
Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." This is the truth I cling to, because I know God's character, and He who promised is surely faithful. I love this verse because despite the bad circumstances we are being faced with, God is bringing good out of it. God is good no matter what happens. And He is working for our good. What an awesome God.
God is our healer. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. But the Lord is our Good Shepherd. Who came and is coming to give us life, and life to the fullest. In Psalm 23 it talks about how God shepherds his flock. Even though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we don't need to fear. Because it is just a shadow. Shadows can't hurt us. Death has lost it's sting. The grave has been overcome. Death is just a shadow for those who are in Christ.
1 Corinthians 15:55-57 says, "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
My joy comes from the truth that God raises the dead. Not just Jesus and Lazarus. But anyone who accepts and transfers their trust will be raised to new life. In the midst of the worst news I've ever heard, the good news is greater. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
There is something so powerful about understanding the character of God and the Gospel of Jesus. It is good news. God is good. And he loves us. I'm comforted because God made himself vulnerable and left His heavenly throne to come down and suffer with us. He knows how we feel. He lost His only son. God loves us and hates suffering so much that He got involved in it with us. His name is Jesus. Now, we are more than conquerers. It wasn't in vein, but it was to end all evil, all suffering, and to take away the agony of death. I don't know why God allows.... But I do know that He loves us. He cares. And He is good.
How perfect is it that we are about to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. My family is mourning this Christmas, but God cries too. God understands what we are going through. The baby in a manger is proof. Jesus being born is the beginning of the crushing blow to satan's head that God promised Adam and Eve in Genesis 3:15 before He kicked them out of the garden. And the happy news for us is that the baby would one day grow up and hang on a cross for us, which was the next step in the end of our enemy, satan, who comes to kill... but Jesus came to give us life. His blood ended the power of sin and His resurrection takes away the sting of death. And "God will soon and very soon crush satan under our feet." - Romans 16:20.
Praise to the God of all comfort:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.8 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters,[a] about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11 as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.
- 2 Corinthians 1:3-11It is still very scary for me, the family, and my Dad. I truly covet your prayers. That Dad would be comforted. That he would have peace, rest, and hope. Pray too for my family, that they would also be comforted and have peace, rest, and hope.
Most of all, pray for healing. That my Dad would be healed.
I'm so thankful for the people that let me know they are thinking of and praying for me, and say they are here for me if there is anything I need. We are definitely on a cancer journey... My prayer is that people would come to know Jesus, who is our only hope in and through this. He is the only reason I'm able to cope with the things of this world. Praying for all to meet my Jesus, and have life to the fullest... so they too would be able to conquer and overcome sin and death and cancer.
Be still, my soul; there is a healer.
