fatherless

Dad and I at the track, 2012.

For those of you who don't know, I lost my precious father this year on January 13th to lung cancer.

One of my favorite things to do with my dad ever since I was a little girl was putting together puzles. I got my dad 2 puzzles for Christmas, but sadly he was too sick and didn't have enough energy to work on them before he passed. They're sitting in my room, unopened, untouched.

The worst part about putting together puzzles is when you get to the very end, only to find a piece is missing! The puzzle can never be completed or whole without that missing piece! Oh the horror! That's how I feel about those puzzles sitting in my room. They will never be complete because my dad isn't here to work on them with me.

My precious father in his lucky track shirt.

Lately, I feel like a puzzle with a missing piece. Especially because tomorrow is my family's "annual father's day horsetrack event." Every year around father's day we go to the horse track at Arlington Park with my dad. We've done this for probably 10 years. Before Dad passed earlier this year he told us we better keep doing that!! We will honor his wishes!

But honestly, I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through the day. Dad and I would chat before every single race about the horses, jockeys, owners, odds, etc... And tomorrow I have to do all of that without him. He belongs at the track with me, yet he won't be there. I'm left with emptiness. A deep ache in my heart where my dad belongs. It's like I'm missing a piece of the puzzle. The piece I'm missing is my dad.

God never intended for us to die. But the wages of sin is death. I am experiencing the consequences of the fall and the brokenness of the world in such an intimate way as I mourn and grieve my father. As I experience missing pieces.

As tears stream down my cheeks I begin to feel peace, joy, comfort, and hope. The crazy thing is that even though my dad is gone and my heart has bruises, cracks, and holes all over it...  I don't feel empty anymore... I actually feel whole and complete. Because even though I'm fatherless, I will never ever be Fatherless.

It may seem like you are missing some pieces to your puzzle. I totally get that. There will be holes and confusion in your puzzle until you find the One and Only, True missing piece. May you find the Only piece you need, the One that turns your puzzle into a beautiful picture that makes sense and is whole and complete.

Cool story:
Last week I was a small group leader at CIY, where 220 students from Eastview joined 1400 others in Holland, Michigan at Hope College for a week-long-conference. At the end of the amazing, life changing week, we were all given a "kingdom worker" card -- each card had a different challenge on it -- a kingdom work action step. My card was perfect for me. It was proof that God is real, alive, and actively pursuing His children, whom He loves and wants to come and rescue.

My kingdom worker card.

My card said this: "Study up on foster care and orphans in your area. Pray for the fatherless and orphaned, ask God how He wants you to serve them."

Tomorrow will be one of the hardest days of my life. But God is a perfect Father. He will never leave me, nor forsake me.  He won't abandon me as an orphan, He will come to me, and take me in (Matthew 5:48, Hebrews 13:5, John 14:18, Psalm 27:10). Even though my father won't be there, My heavenly Father will.

May you find the missing piece that will turn your puzzle into a beautiful picture of God's love.

And stay tuned about how God uses me as His hands and feet to run to the ones in need... specifically to the fatherless, because they need to know that they will never be missing the "Father" piece to their puzzle, the only piece that matters.

If you think of us... pray for my family tomorrow. Thank you!