October 10th, 2012
I went to the Spread Truth banquet last night. One word. Amazing.
I love how intimate and personal God get's with us, His children. His Word is definitely alive and active. The Holy Spirit is moving mightily on our behalf. #freshwindfreshfire
I am overwhelmed with thankfulness to God my Father for His pursuit of my heart and the way He comes to rescue me. He has used Spread Truth and Jim Cymbala to speak to me and open the eyes of my heart to give me wisdom and revelation. I'm thankful for people and the introduction to new people, and for the way God knits lives together. My words will run out if I try to describe how thankful I am for the people I have in this season of my life. What a beautiful God. Words are pale.
I'm thankful that God willed for me to go to New York through Spread Truth. But the life changing transformation started before I even got on the plane. It started on June 25th & 27th when I attended Spread Truth Story training and heard Jerry McCorkle share the beauty of the Story, the beauty of the Gospel, and the beauty of how my story fits into God's story.
My favorite thing Jerry talked about was the garden of Eden. I love how God works. When He is teaching me something.... He makes it obvious because He knows I have the faith of a mustard seed. He will usually use His word, and a few other people to make it clear to me. I love when what God is speaking to me when I'm alone in my heart... gets confirmed over and over again afterwards by other people and Scripture. A friend recently told me that is called "multi media messages."
My obsession with the garden of Eden started when Mike preached on Eve for the Leading Ladies sermon series on June 24th. How cool is it that the very next day I would hear more about the garden through Jerry! Another tool God is using is the Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd Jones. "The Terrible Lie" starts on page 28. Get it and read it ASAP! I bought that book the day I got home from the Spread Truth training. I fell in love with the idea that "Every story whispers His name" and "God loves His children so much He comes to rescue them." There is a reason why Nicki Green can't read that book without crying... Because in Genesis 3:15 Jesus' name is first whispered, and God loved us so much that He wrote Himself into the Story to rescue us. Promise made. Promise kept. #donzo #itisfinished
God has really spoken to me through the story of the garden of Eden about my own life and the schemes of satan. There is a reason why Jesus took Cleopas back to the beginning on the road to Emmaus, to explain what was said in all the Scripture concerning Himself. Because God's story, the Bible, is all about Jesus, every story whispers His name. I pray that my eyes would be opened and I would be able to recognize Jesus more and more. I don't want Jesus to call me foolish because I am slow to believe all that the prophets have spoken. "Did not the Messiah have to suffer these things to enter his glory?" (Luke 24)
Spread Truth has been God's tool in my life of helping me understand The Story. The big Story. The greatest Story in the whole wide world! The Story of how God loves His children and comes to rescue them.
I find 2 lies/tricks/deceptions in Genesis 3 that satan used on Adam and Eve and He continues to use in my life on a daily basis, and in yours too, I'm sure. "Did God really say that?" And "Does God really love you?" Satan doesn't want us to believe and trust God, and He doesn't want us to know how much God loves us.
Profound. Take a moment to think about how satan has used those lies and tricks in your life.
I have written about 15 blogs in the last 3 months, but I haven't published any of them. I've been in a season of condemnation, a season of paralysis because my gospel has been off-centered. I can't explain it very well... but I can blame satan, and blame myself for believing His lies. The truth is... I am sinful, just like Eve. That is the problem. That's why. I have a sin problem. The Bible says "All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23)" And "No one is righteous, not even one. (Romans 3:10)"
But God.
But God loves His children and comes to rescue them. And His name is Jesus.
Satan is tricky. But greater is HE that is IN YOU than he that is in this world. You see, the Holy Spirit is our Helper that Jesus sent to us. He does it all!!!! He has done it all. He initiates. He loved us first. He draws us to Himself. He gives us wisdom and revelation! Praise God!
Last night Jim Cymbala talked about the thief. John 10:10 says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy, but I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." He focused on the first part though- how the thief comes to steal. We are all New Yorkers in the fact that satan is always trying to steal from us. Satan doesn't want your things... He is a spiritual being. He wants to stop us from advancing the kingdom of God. He doesn't want us to go and make disciples like Jesus commissioned us to do. How does he do that? By stealing your first love, Jesus. By stealing your calling. But Jesus has come to recover your stolen property.
Satan has robbed me of my confidence, my voice, my identity, and my calling. How? By getting me to doubt what God said to me. By tricking me to not understand God's great love for me. By deceiving me so that I don't beleive God is trustworthy, and making me think I can be happy apart from God.
The WALK study at church has been a blessing from God. I praise God for this adversity I have been facing because it is growing me. The trials, testing, and temptations are hard and painful but God works all things together for the good of those who love Him. He is always working for my good and His glory. Always.
Satan is the father of lies. He has tricked me pretty good lately, getting me to keep my mouth shut about the good news of the grace of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am so selfish in my flesh. I make it all about me. Satan tempts me to do that. Then he condemns.
So here is what happened: Someone told me I was a good writer. It freaked me out. A bunch of people read my last blog and commented on it. I was convicted about my motives. I was writing so people would know me, and then accept me and love me. My blog was an attempt at self-salvation. I wanted to be a good writer and I wanted it to give me value. I wanted to use it as a way of making myself higher, to get more love from people. The same is true about my facebook. That sin and those fleshly desires were brought into the light by the Spirit and the power of the gospel. I saw my sin for what it really was. And it was ugly. Then satan condemned. I deleted my facebook. I began a "social cleanse" and withdrew from almost everyone and everything for a few weeks. I couldn't speak. I hated myself. The thief was silencing me. He was stealing a gift God gave me and a calling He had for me. The thief comes only to steal...
The WALK study and my House group eventually forced me to come out of hiding. It was time. Satan loves to take our gifts and shift them just a little bit to make them about our glory and not God's. But God's gifts aren't for us. They were given to us to serve other people and glorify God. They were given to us to use for the purposes that God prepared in advance for us to do.
The Gospel IS power. And when it is preached, in transforms lives. It is transforming mine.
I couldn't write because I was too ugly and had impure motives. I felt pressure to be a good writer. I wanted to impress people and earn their love. I ended up writing but nothing was good enough to publish. Nothing was worthy. I wasn't worthy.
But God is alive! He spoke to me about my blog. Satan came to steal my gift and steal my voice and steal my blog and steal my calling.
Here is what I realized. It is not about me. At all. In any way. I deserve nothing but death on a cross and eternity in hell. But God has given me gifts for His glory and His purpose! I use to like to write because I wanted people to know me and love me. Something has changed. Now I want to write because God is moving in me and I want to share the good news. I want to spread the truth. I can't keep it in! I will not be silent anymore. It use to be about me. But now I just want to obey God and use the gifts He has given me for His kingdom and His purpose. Apparently writing out my thoughts is a calling. I'm not doing it to get acceptance... I am writing from a place of already being totally accepted. I just want to speak Truth because that is what I am called to do.
If I ever write anything good, it is absolutely not me. I have nothing good to say. I have no wisdom. But sometimes when I quiet myself, my thoughts, my hopes, my dreams... and I get real close to God. Real close to His word and His children... I can hear His voice. Sometimes these thoughts just start to spin in my head and get impressed on my heart and they are usually inspired by the Word or people.... Which is how God speaks... then I just have to write them out! I'm sure satan doens't want me to share them because they are from God.
The valley I was in was painful. I will eventually edit and publish the blogs I wrote during that pit. They are so raw I'm scared of what people will think. But God has grown me so much in the last few weeks as I mourned and drew close to Him. It sucks when our idols are revealed and begin to be uprooted. But I must decrease so that He can increase.
If I ever write anything good... it will be because it is from God. Inspiried by God. I'm glad I realized this. Yesterday Jim Cymbala was talking about His wife Carol and how she leads the best choir in the whole wide world, yet she doesn't even know how to read music!
How can this be???
God.
This is how God works. He makes foolish the wisdom of the world. He uses weak things to shame the strong. He sent Jesus to save the world as a baby and then hung him on a cross. He calls fisherman. He uses foolish tools in the hands of weak people. It has nothing to do with me. I am literally NOTHING apart from God. And I can do nothing apart from Him.
I thank God for revealing this Truth to my soul. Now when I write... I'm not thinking about what people will think about me. I'm not wondering if this will make people love me. Or accept me. I'm not doing it for me anymore.
Now that I am getting out of the way... I am making room for God to work, if He wants to.
So I will go where he wants me to go and say what he wants me to say and I will walk in the dust of my Rabbi Jesus. And I will pray for His Spirit and that He would give me the words to say. I am thankful for the Gospel and discipleship, more than anything in this world! To be in line with the gospel and in step with the spirit is my goal, and I am thankful that the Holy Spirit is doing the work in me to accomplish that.
So, I'm thankful for Jim Cymbala. For how God spoke through Him into my heart. He is just a regular guy, but He is anointed!!!! Spread Truth is just another ministry, another method... but it is ANOINTED! Both have changed my life in such monumental ways, because God is with them.
God is so good. He has come so that we may have life abundantly. He is always at work for our good, and His glory. Always. Jesus has come so that we may have life, and have it to the full.
