Perfect Love {Fear & Protection}

The reason I published this blog.
Thankful for friends who speak truth.

When I was a little girl…. I learned a lot. About myself, about others, about love, about fear and how to protect myself…. I finally learned the most important lesson of all in junior high—about God and His great love.

There are two things that I desire more than anything else in this world (besides Jesus), and that is love and worth. They are the same things I wanted as a little girl. I think it’s what Eve wanted too, in the very beginning, in the garden. I think it’s what we all want—it’s how we were created.

Unfortunately we have an enemy. Satan’s deception and our own rebellion and disobedience cause us to sabotage our own desires. Our sin and the sin of others has ruined and broken this world and the perfect harmony we once had, long ago in Eden. Oh how I hate generational sin. 

Are you familiar with Cardboard Testimonies?

Before I met Jesus, the front of mine would have said “abandoned, prostitute, slave.” After I was introduced to and rescued by the God who loves me, it would have said “adopted, child, free.”

Abandoned Prostitute Slave

Adopted Child Free

But just like those foolish Galatians, even after I received this new identity in Christ I continue to go back to my old ways, my old life, my old self. Even today, I still function like an abandoned slave trying to earn love and steal acceptance. Even though I've been bought with a price, redeemed, rescued, and adopted into God's family... I still find myself working to save myself.

My cardboard is less of a before and after…. It’s more of an “off-centered” & “centered” gospel. My true identity never changes. “The person you were created to be never goes away.” Like Mt. Rainier on a cloudy day… Even though you can't see the mountain, doesn't mean that it isn't there. 

Satan is still crafty, and we are living in his world. He lies and I get deceived…. When my awareness is focused on my clouds I forget about my mountain, my true self.

It's only when I turn my eyes to Jesus that I'm able to experience my adoption as God’s child. When my gospel is centered, I’m secure in Him. And I cry out Abba Father. This light… this truth…. This perfect love is what heals me, sets me free, gives me rest, and casts out fear. When the gospel is centered in my mind and heart, I am transformed into who I really am, my true self, God’s child, the beloved.

My deepest fear stems from my greatest desire, which is to be loved. My most intense emotions are triggered with the threat and fear of not being loved and worthy, with rejection, with abandonment.

I always relate with Adam and Eve, those sinners. When they realized they were naked, vulnerable, at risk of being seen…. They were scared of their punishment… so when God came looking for them they ran and hid and tried to cover themselves. They were protecting themselves from the fear that came from the threat of punishment, of not being loved.

Fear instinctively causes us to protect ourselves from the punishment or outcome that we are afraid of. I’ve been really struggling with this lately. With fear. I am so often controlled and enslaved by it. It overwhelms and paralyzes me. The Bible is filled with “do not fear” phrases and that’s why I’m desperate to find freedom from this prison I'm living in. I need healing. 

I do not want to get to heaven one day and say, “Wait, I’ve had all this power the whole time?” I don’t want to sit at the healing pool for 38 years when I could have dipped in and taken up my mat and walked away. Jesus asks us, “What do you want me to do for you? Do you want to be healed?” I ask myself If I believe that God can heal me. I desperately want Jesus to touch me… or to just get close enough to Him to touch His cloak.

• Jesus came to set the captives free. (Isaiah 61: 1, Luke 4:18) 
• It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. (Galatians 5:1)
• The truth will set you free. (John 8:32)
• Where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. (2 Corinthians 3:17)
• Liberated from bondage and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God. (Romans 8:21)
• In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and He answered by setting me free. (Psalm 118:5)

Most people think that the opposite of love is hate, but I disagree. I believe the opposite of love is self-protection. I’m convinced because of this verse: “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives outfear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not madeperfect in love.” (1 John 4:18)

It’s my fear that keeps me in hiding, it’s my fear that keeps me away from God’s perfecting love, and it's my fear that keeps me away from the touch of Jesus. God invites us to come out of hiding, to come home.

To love is to build up. The opposite of that would be to tear down. Love means to increase, the opposite would be to decrease, to shrink. The fear of punishment makes us cower, shrink back, protect… fear evokes all negative emotions. We want to avoid these emotions at all costs, so we protect ourselves from them through mechanisms we have learned. How do you protect yourself from getting hurt? You avoid danger and take less risk. Duh. We want to control our safety. Fear is not love. Fear is for protection and to learn how to stay safe so we don’t get hurt. Fear shrinks us. It's the opposite of love and it's what will keep you from the very thing you desire the most.

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives our fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfectin love.” (1 John 4:18)

I want this perfect love. What is it and where can I find it????

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1Corinthians 13:4-7)

This is the love that I want and need. I've tasted it.... I've seen glimpses... But it seems to me that love like this... perfect love... doesn't exist.

But what if I have been going to the wrong source? "They exchanged theirglorious God for worthless idols. (Jeremiah 2:11)" I seem to be the samaritan woman at Jacob's well, asking Jesus where I can get this living water He talks about.... "Sir, give me this water so that I won't get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water. (John 4:15)" Jesus is not only the living water, he is also the perfect love.

Later in the chapter we read, “For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

There is my answer. Here on this earth we only get reflections.... "To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us." (Timothy Keller, Meaning of Marriage)

Any love we experience here on earth is just a glimpse of the perfect love of God. His love is unconditional. It's a gift--can't be earned, deserved, or paid back. It won't end and it never changes! It heals and sets us free. It casts out fear.  

I went to a memorial service for my dad and the hospice chaplain said, “To love another human is risky business.” I agree. If you are like me you’ve experienced love and heartbreak and you have learned how to protect yourself from being hurt, broken, or wounded again. Fear turns into protection.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." - C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

 

I recently had a face to face encounter with my human condition. My grief. My need for love. My fall. The sin of others. Generational sin. I was all alone and I broke down and completely lost it. “My eyes fail from weeping, I am in torment within.”(Lamentations 2:11) My loneliness felt like abandonment, but I used it as an invitation to intimacy with the one who knows me the most and loves me the best.

What's beautiful is that my encounter with my depravity led me to encounter God's perfect love. “I just needed a safe place to fall apart, to grieve and wail and lose it completely, and God is that place for me.” (Jen Hatmaker) God turned my ashes into beauty.

 

Life is all about some form of learning. Sometimes it's about unlearning or relearning. Today, I am learning to trust God. When I was a little girl I learned that I wasn’t worthy, and when I was older my mistaken belief was affirmed when I was abandoned. I'm unlearning my belief that I'm worthless and unlovable, and relearning who I am. I am the beloved. I'm unlearning my defense mechanisms I learned as a child to protect myself, and relearning what love is and where to get it. I'm learning the truth that replaces the terrible lie that has sabotaged all my desires.

I strive to be independent, sometimes even of God. I don't want to need anything or anyone. That's a good thing right? That way, I will never be vulnerable or disappointed. I will never get hurt. But the truth is that I am human. Wounded. Broken. Needy. I've been running from my grief and avoiding my neediness like the plague. I'm reminded that I need to repent from my best deeds because they too are filthy rags. It's my goodness and independence that keeps me from Jesus. The sick need a doctor. Instead of hiding in shame from my neediness, I should let it drive me to the cross.

And as I had this face-to-face encounter with my human condition.... I also had an experience with perfect love. Even though I was protecting in fear from people and the world.... I came out of hiding with God, like a prodigal. I came home, where I belong, which is in Jesus. For the first time I didn't condemn the bad part of me... the sin, selfish, ugly part of me... I accepted it. I loved it. I showed it grace and forgiveness. I accepted it where it was. I was the enemy that needed to be loved. And for the first time I received love from God. This has made all the difference. We can't reject the brokenness in ourselves, because that is in fact what causes us to run and hide and cover and cower in fear and shame. That is the opposite of love. The opposite of Jesus. Instead, our brokenness should draw us to the cross. It's at the cross where we find that we are God's beloved. That we were bought at a price. That we are important, and worth much to God! It's at the cross where we find what we are looking for, love and worth. It's at the cross where our deepest needs get met. At the cross we find our acceptance, our approval, our security, our belonging, our worth, our belovedness. It's at the cross where I find the loving Father that has been searching and waiting for me, pursuing me with relentless love. And it's at the cross where this God tells me, "You are my daughter, my beloved one. The banner over you is love." And the banner over you is love, too.

My prayer is that when we experience the fall in our world and relationships, that it wouldn't make us shrink back in fear, but lead us to Jesus, the healer who came to set us free with His perfect love. Even though I'm wounded now, I'm being perfected. And one day, when I see him face to face, I will be made like him, when the process  is complete. I can't wait!! Until then, human, life on earth.... longing for eden, yearning for home...

God created us for relationship. It's normal to want to be loved, to need to be loved. But God would never allow other people to meet those needs-- because then we wouldn't need Him!! Don't be surprised when you are still thirsty, even right after you drink. No matter how much love we pour onto other humans, it will never satisfy them. No matter how much love gets poured into us, it will never fill us because we are leaking out of our broken hearts. And the people that pour into us are just as broken. We need living water. Healing water. Perfect love.

We need people but they will never be able to help us the way we need to be helped, or save us the way we need to be rescued. People are people. Humans are humans. We weren't intended to touch others the way they need to be touched, help them where they need to be helped, or meet their needs the way they need to be met. We are all broken. We can't love others the way they long to be loved.

May we not protect from God. He is good and loves us. And may we be so secure in Christ that we don't need to protect from other people because we are already getting our needs met from the one and only true source. Then we can be motivated from a place of security, acceptance, approval, belonging, belovedness.... not from a place of fear, need, or longing. And may we not exchange our glorious God for worthless idols.

God created us for relationship. It wasn't good for Adam to be alone. Jesus was always with His disciples. The church is one body many parts. We are called to community. We are called to intimacy. May we be able to stand naked and unashamed because we know who we are in Christ... that is a glimpse of life in the garden before the fall. To be truly seen and known, and still loved.... despite being ugly and bad....

It's scary because it is messy! But discipleship is worth it. Let us become vulnerable to love. May our fear not keep us from what we desire the most. Freedom and healing is found in the perfecting love of Christ. May you come out of hiding, come to the cross, and experience the love that casts our fear, that is, the love of Christ.

(Song I wrote about my fall and the rescue after)

Call Me Eve

Mystory is like Genesis 3

Thefall, my fall, you can call me Eve

Believedthe lies, tempted by satan

Rebelledagainst God, ate the fruit

NowI know that I'm wounded and broken

Feltguilt and shame, so I ran an hid

Coveredmyself, in fear, for protection

Harmonygone, goodbye perfection

Kickedout of my home, now I'm all alone

 

SoI guess that I'm human

Longingfor eden, yearning for home

I'vebeen deceived, that's why, you can call me Eve

SoI'll stand on the promise

Hisname is Jesus, and He's, the seed from Eve

Cursedand in pain, the wages of sin

Stupidsheep, gone astray

Godmade a promise, His name is Jesus

Sealedwith the very first sacrifice

Meantfor evil, but used for good

Deathwould come, but the seed would, too

Hecovered us then and covers us now

TheGood Shepherd lays down His life

Promisekept, the last sacrifice

 

SoI guess that I'm human

Longingfor Eden, yearning for home

I'vebeen deceived, that's why, you can call me Eve

SoI'll stand on the promise

Hisname is Jesus, and He's, the seed from Eve

BelieveGod, trust your heavenly Father

Hisplans are good, not to harm us

Headopts the abandoned, will never forsake you

Heloves His children and comes to the rescue

AndHe's coming again to take us home

Nomore tears, back to perfection

SoI guess that I'm human

Longingfor Eden, yearning for home

God’s Love and Ours

⁷ Dear friends, let us love oneanother, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God andknows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, becauseGod is love. ⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: Hesent his one and only Soninto the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and senthis Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹ Dearfriends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² Noone has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his loveis made complete in us.

¹³ This is how we know that we livein him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit.¹⁴ And wehave seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of theworld. ¹⁵ If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son ofGod, God lives in them and they in God. ¹⁶ And so we know andrely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God inthem. ¹⁷ This is how love is made complete among us so thatwe will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are likeJesus. ¹⁸ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drivesout fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not madeperfect in love.

¹⁹ We love because he first lovedus. ²⁰ Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother orsister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom theyhave seen,cannot love God, whom they have not seen. ²¹ And hehas given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brotherand sister.

Moving Guests to Family Members

I had the privilege of attending the “Intentional Church Conference” hosted by the First Christian Church of Decatur on Saturday. Gene Appel was the featured speaker, and hundreds of church pastors and leaders gathered to be inspired and equipped on growing their ministries.

Gene’s message was about how to change your church without killing it, and without killing you. Like usual, he used his favorite vacation spot in Minnesota as an analogy for his main points. In order to get to the fishing sweet spot at the lake, Gene and his family have to go through the rough channel and some dangerous water to reach the beautiful fishing paradise. Not many boats are willing to do the work it takes to get to this spot, but the fish are worth it! Why change? What is the purpose? Jesus understood the reality of the human condition—that’s why he was so focused on every single person he came across. The truth of the matter is that if the church doesn’t change, it will die. And it can’t die because we need to reach lost people who matter to God!

The Gospel is all about change. Newness, new song, new birth, new heaven, new covenant, new relationship, all things new—the gospel is all about changing lives! Gene compared the steps for growing the church with growing crops: Prepare the soil, plant the seed, cultivate (weed, water), and harvest. Like fishing, to get the best harvest you must do the work required. Gene reminded us that between Egypt and paradise, there was a wilderness... Don't quit during step one or three and miss out on the rewarding harvest.

I was especially touched with the story about a young man who brought Gene a bullet after a sermon one Sunday. He told Gene that he was planning on killing himself that week- but after hearing the gospel he decided that there might be hope for him. This young man’s life was saved because that church changed. Gene’s main point was that it doesn’t matter if it’s one life, 10 lives, 100 or 1,000 lives…. It’s all God and they all matter! If we don't change, we will die.

I was also able to hear an expert on assimilation speak about moving guests into family members. Nicki Green, the pastor of involvement at Eastview Christian Church, said, "I could talk about this for days because it is what I am most passionate about and what God created me to do." Nicki is a gifted speaker with a lot of experience and success in guest services. Her message is desperately needed, which was evident when several more chairs had to be brought into her session, making it the largest one at the conference.

Recap from the session:

Nicki gripped the audience right from the start with her intro on grace. She shared a story about a mother who was prostituting her 2 year-old daughter out for money to support her drug habit. When the mother was asked if she ever considered going to church, she explained that that would only make her feel worse. It seems as though the people who flocked to jesus in the bible no longer feel accepted among his disciples—what has gone wrong? (Yancey, what's so amazing about grace)

The key to moving guests into family members is to create teams that love lost people. We need to recruit key volunteers that can model love. "If you can't love that mother who was prostituing her daugher, then you won't be able to love the people that are coming into your church."

The guests entering our church are not people that have their lives together.... they are needy, messy, sinful, lost people in need of a savior. Jesus came to seek and save the lost. It's crucial that we understand that we were once lost, too. And it is our calling and mission to be Jesus and be His church, meaning we too should love lost people, and love the sinners that come through our church doors. Not only should we love them, but we should welcome them into our family.

How do we do that? Good question. The answer will practically look different for every church, however the principles are the same for all.
 

Communicate vision: It's not about the task, it's about the mission. Nicki shared a story about how her church recently made a big change in the way that they do communion. This change resulted in giving her communion prep team more than double the work they were previously doing. However, this allowed their church to all take communion together, as a family, and to spend more time on remembering the body and blood of Jesus and less time on passing a tray. We must look at the why behind the what, the mission not the task! If we do this, than the ushers won't see their jobs as passing a bucket and handing out bulletins, rather they will understand that they are guests' first impressions and they have one of the most important roles in the church.

We also need to be intentional and celebrate victories! Nicki shared that she gave her parking team a vision of running out of bus drivers on sunday mornings because they are all attending church. As the parking team began thinking of creative ways to be intentional and share God's love with the drivers, seeds were planted and began to grow. A couple of the drivers joined a small group without even attending an Eastview service yet-- that was a victory to be celebrated! Left with just a task, our volunteers would lack vision and get burnt out. But if they understand the why behind the what, and what is at stake, then they will make a huge difference for the kingdom.

As church leaders, pastors, and christians, we are called to love others with the love we have received. Going along with the idea of "loving lost things," Nicki read the parable of the lost son. The father stood waiting on the porch for his son to come home for hours, for days, for months, maybe years. When the boy finally came, his dad was ready! He was so eager and expectant that he ran off the steps to kiss his son and lavish his love, that the son definitely didn't deserve. We should be the father at the door waiting in our churches. Our guests are lost, and we want to be that father when they come to church, when they come home-- even if they've never been and don't even know it is home.
 

Expect guests! We need to wear a yes face! Nicki shared a story about Thomas Jefferson and his troops crossing a treacherous river. A stranger came across the group and asked Thomas for a ride across on his horse. When they reached the other side a man came up and asked the traveler why he would ask the president of the united states. The stranger stated that he didn’t know he was the president, he had just looked around and everyone else’s faces said no. Let's be approachable, let's wear a yes face!

 

We also need to be real, authentic, transparent... the people at church should be more loving than the people at the bar, or in AA, because we have God's love and grace. Let us not become proud in thinking that we have saved ourselves. When people come late to the recovery meetings, they are greeted with kisses and praises, there are so many other places they could have gone!
 

Often Christians expect God to clean the fish before we catch them! Our hearts were gripped yet again as we heard a story from the Brooklyn Tabernacle. By the end of the session, Nicki had inspired the numerous churches represented in the room to take steps forward to be more like Jesus, and change their churches to be more like Jesus so that the same people that flocked to Him in the bible would be drawn to our churches. It's all about grace and love, and accepting them right where they are, no matter how smelly, dark, or messy! This is what moves guests into family members! "If you have any purpose in my work-- it has to do with this odor. This is the smell of the world I died for." (Cymbala, Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire)