As our church studies Open, The Life of a Dangerous Witness.... I've been convicted that I may not be the most 'open' role model. We've discussed open lives and open arms thus far... and Mike preached on how to open our lives, by sharing our lives. When looking at my witness, I often find myself pretending, hiding, cowering in shame and running from vulnerability.
I've shared my favorite quotes with my small group about being authentic and genuine:
“The opposite of love is self-protection.”
“To love at all is to be vulnerable.”
“We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us. (1 Thes 2:8)"The reality is that I haven’t been open with God, myself, or my group, let alone with those far from Christ. And as I lead through this study… my prayer is that God would OPEN ME! I recognize that before I can share the good news of the grace and love of Jesus with those that are lost and in need around me, I need to receive the gift myself.
It's hard to share the grace if we haven't received it ourselves. It's hard to offer help if we haven't asked for it ourselves. To get the bread we must first admit we are a beggar, sick and in need of a doctor. Forgiven, not perfect in our own strength. So with arms open wide, here I am.
I’m encouraged that the call isn’t one of perfection but of vulnerability, however I’m not sure which of those is harder. When looking at this idea of open lives and loving others with open arms I have been convicted about my unbelief and lack of faith in my trustworthy, Heavenly Father.
Honestly, I rarely believe God, let alone trust Him. But the Spirit is leading me onto the waters where I must have ruthless trust and dare greatly to allow the sovereign hand of God to be my guide. As my fear rises with the waves I must choose to stand on faith. I’m choosing to be like Peter and step out into the place where my feet may fail. God’s promises are good, so my mustard seed of faith will lead me where my trust is without borders onto the waters and it is here where my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my savior. It's here where I will find my open life, and where I will invite others into my open arms.
Being this fearless is dangerous. The natural response when we recognize we are naked is to run and hide, that’s what Adam and Eve did in the garden. Humans are so scared to be truly seen and fully known in their imperfection – and it is this fear that will keep us from opening our lives. It’s what has kept me from being a dangerous witness.
I am in love with Brene Brown’s research – here is what she says:
The one thing that can unravel connection is shame, which is the fear of disconnection. This happens when we wonder if there is something about ourselves, that if other people know or see, than we won't be worthy of connection. What keeps us out of connection is our fear that we are not worthy of connection.
Shame is the swampland of our soul and the voice that says 'I'm not good enough, smart enough, blank enough...'
Shame is much different than guilt... Guilt focuses on the behavior while shame
focuses on the self – I did something bad vs. I am bad. I made a mistake vs. I am
a mistake.
Under this shame is excruciating vulnerability – vulnerability
is NOT weakness – it is emotional risk, exposure, uncertainty… to be vulnerable
is to let yourselves be seen, to be honest.
Brene divides people into two groups - those who have a sense
of worthiness - a sense of love and belonging, with those who don't - folks who struggle with it and
always wonder. People who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they
are worthy of love and belonging. It all comes down to whether or not you believe you are worthy.
To live wholeheartedly, we must function
from a deep sense of worthiness and security in Christ. Here is what that looks like:
1. Courage – the original definition
means 'to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.' Courage to be
imperfect.
2. Compassion – to be kind to themselves first
and then to others – can’t practice compassion with others if can’t treat
ourselves kindly.
3. Connection – as a result of authenticity. Let
go of who they thought they should be to be who you really are – have to do that for
connection.
4. Vulnerability – fully embraced. Believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. Necessary. Willingness to do something where there are no guarantees. To
invest in relationship that may not work out.
The way to live is with vulnerability. Most of us have a vulnerability issue – it’s the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it is also the birthplace of our joy, belonging, and love. Shame lives and grows in secrecy, silence, and judgement. To find our way back to connection, love, and belonging we need to find our way back to each other. The path is vulnerability.
Vulnerability works best with empathy. The two most powerful words when we’re in struggle is, “Me too.”.
It is very seductive to want to be
perfect and bulletproof – but that wouldn’t be daring greatly. It is those who
are in the arena that are brave and courageous, living wholeheartedly. To be open – we have to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen, to love with our whole hearts even though there is no guarantee… to practice gratitude and joy in moments of terror, wondering can I love you this much, can I believe in this this passionately, can I be this fierce – instead of catastrophizing what might happen just be grateful because to feel this vulnerable is to be alive. And believe that we are enough. You are enough – stop screaming and start listening, to be kinder to people around us and kinder to ourselves.
Thank you Brene Brown. To love at all is to be vulnerable. To be open is to share and connect. Get in the arena, open your life, open your arms, and dare greatly.
